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Hi Rob,

We miss you.  Took some pics to send to you by email, but then thought I might as well post them on the blog like I always intend to do.

We spent some time outside this evening.  Lake is climbing out of the clubhouse window now (onto the “castle” that we put up next to the clubhouse).  Next thing we know he’ll be on the roof and climbing into the tree branches.  Thomas loves the sink that I cleaned out, but now it is dirty again already and needs new D batteries.  Thomas just alternates between putting his matchbox car and his sidewalk chalk under the running water.  At least he doesn’t eat the chalk like Smith does.  I have forbidden Smith to have chalk anymore.  Last week Corrie said Smith had “colored flecks” in his poo.  Since then I have found him twice with whole mouth-fulls of chalk.  Smith’s favorite thing to do is persuade me to lift him up, and he clings to the top of the fence between our house and our neighbor’s and he watches the kids play on their new play gym.

But at the moment I chose to take pictures, Smith was on the rollercoaster:

Lake was on the swing:

And Thomas was discovering how to push the pedal on the tractor, which he thought was quite hilarious. 

Strangely enough, Lake didn’t pitch a fit about Thomas riding “his” tractor, and proceeded to do what he could to give Thomas a ride.  No easy feat since the tractor has no “neutral.”  When the pedal is not pressed, its breaks are automatically engaged.

And finally, Lake decided to give Thomas a better ride (they went about 10 feet), which worked ok, except Thomas was squished.  And then Mommy tried to step in and make Lake go in “low” gear, but the lever wouldn’t stay in low gear and while the tractor was stopped for Mommy to try to get it to stay in low gear, Thomas realized how uncomfortable being “squished” was.  But it sure was cute while it lasted. 

We love you Rob.  I hope you have a great time with the guys tonight!  We miss you and we prayed for you.  I hope you liked the pictures.  See you Saturday!

I love you, Kimi

I took Rob to the ER last night because he felt a racing heart, almost blacked out, light-headed and tingly in his head and chest; all from a dead sleep state to being awakened by a screaming Lake, which can get anyone’s blood pumping, but Rob symptoms never went away. Almost two hours later his blood pressure was just a bit elevated (125/70, but normal for him is more like 110/60) but his heart rate was 130 beats/min.  I think we both were/are concerned it is the diagnosis of “neurocardiogynicsyncope” rearing its ugly head again (a diagnosis from high-school days, no symptoms at all since then). But the docs only said it could have been a mild dehydration, since an EKG, chest xray, 5 vials of blood showed nothing and after an IV of fluids he felt better. Who really knows, except God, and so in Him we continue to place our trust. Thanks for your concern and prayers and thanks to the Colquett family for once again sacrificing for us. Ahhh…we are going to miss those sweet friends.

(PS, as with all my blogs, the events listed here are all as seen and experienced by me-at 2am to 7am-and are subject to Rob’s detail revision!)

Before I begin on the last 6 months, let me say I just played “Ring around the rosie” with my three boys for the first time.  Oh what a precious time!  I am so proud of Lake for loving every minute of holding his brothers’ hands and teaching them that game.  My Lake has a heart for loving his brothers.  Thomas and Smith giggled and squeeled, especially at the “all fall down” part.  We have many more days ahead with them experiencing joy together!

So that gives you a hint of the goings-on in our family.  Thomas took the first steps and put the notch in his belt that he did it “first.”  Then he kindly let Smith walk all over the house before Thomas took up walking again.  Thomas is very deliberate about everything.  Tonight I told the boys it was time to go upstairs and take a bath.  Well, Thomas was practicing walking, and so he turned to walk to the stairs, but fell.  He cried out, but didn’t give up and crawl, he just got up, took a few more steps, fell, 4 more steps, and then you could just see him calculating whether he was close enough to the bottom step without taking a fifth step.  Smith, on the other hand, employs the “reckless abandon” method.  More on that later.  Thomas is our talker, pointing at everything and making a sound that I think is “that.”  Thomas has started blowing kisses now too.  Smith can climb up onto the rocking horse (feet 8 inches off the ground while he is riding it), get the horse rocking, and then stop and climb off all by himself.  Thomas would never dream of doing that.  Smith started experimenting today with spinning around and around in circles (that is what gave me the idea of ring around the rosie).  All that to say that Smith is the physical one and Thomas the verbal one.

Lake celebrates his brothers’ steps, and that thills my heart.  I’ll be in the kitchen cleaning (I’m always cleaning the kitchen) and I’ll hear Lake exclaim “Yeah, Thomas is walking.  All by himself!”  Lake is really into “all by myself” right now.  Also, Lake likes to push Smith around on our riding train.  He and Smith just did that themselves one day and now they do it all the time.  Thomas gets a bit left out at times.  Soon I will try to teach Thomas how to hold on tight and teach Lake how to “go slow.”  Oh, and I’d say Lake is 95% potty trained.  He has worn big boy underwear all day every day this week, but sleeps in pull ups and I’ll put them on his tomorrow at church.  But the teachers in the 2 yr olds are always quite surprised when he tells them he has to go TT in the potty!

Well, that has been 11 minutes, but better to start somewhere.

Unbelievable how time has passed. It has been LESS THAN ONE YEAR that we have even known that we would be adding to our family, much less with twins. And now it is so normal on one hand, but still so farfetched on the other. I still say to Rob at least every other day “Do we really have twins?” Today, though, I could clearly see through the exhaustion and crying, and I could see myself saying soon enough “This is the best thing that has ever happened to our family, having our babies this close together.” We were at the playground and I could just see Lake, Thomas, and Smith squealing and chasing each other around in the not-too-distant future. But on their half-birthday, I will let you know more about our twins.

Thomas has such a gentle spirit. He gets very sad sometimes just when his big brother is upset. Thomas’ cries are rarely of a “mad” kind. His crying is usually “You have just hurt my feelings” for putting me down. It will just break your heart. He has the same bright blue eyes of the Uncles he is named after, coupled with long eyelashes from his Daddy. He has a sideways grin like his Daddy too, and is so cute when he dips his head shyly into his mommy’s neck if you catch him a little by surprise. Thomas is the snuggler that I didn’t have in Lake (either by conditioning or personality, who knows). Thomas will put his head down on your shoulder or chest whether he has recently had a nap or not. Thomas is soft in all places like a baby. Thomas surprised me by being the first to roll over, since he seemed more content to sit in his bouncer chair than Smith. Thomas is also a very smart, observant kiddo. He used to be the easier twin, not crying, but more just yelling out to make sure you knew he was still there. But after observing how much attention Smith got when he cried, Thomas has now become more needy than Smith. Go figure.

Smith is a study in extremes. When he is happy, he is the cutest, smiliest, squealiest, little buddy you ever knew. He loves to be held high in the air over your head and he’ll give you a dimpled grin to thrill your heart. He wakes up in the morning with sweet baby coos and babbles, usually sucking on two fingers. He kicks and kicks in delight, which might be the reason he isn’t as big as Thomas - he is burning all his calories with happiness! He has spent up to an hour in the jumperoo, pushing off with his feet and even using his arms to get better lift. Smith has been the first to really reach for toys (while Thomas is content to just talk loudly to them). Smith also likes to suck his thumb, which is great when he soothes himself to sleep, but judging on how irritated I have become with Lake’s paci and wondering how to get rid of it, I really don’t want to try to “get rid of” the thumb later on. Now on to the other extreme. When Smith is upset, he doesn’t have his feelings hurt or a little whine. He is mad. He cries loud, mouth wide-open cries with eyes tight shut, flailing his arms. He cries mostly because he is hungry, since Thomas is on the schedule as first to be fed most days (Thomas is the first to wake up at 5 am, so for the rest of the day, he gets fed 20 min before Smith). Smith also cries because he is in pain, but I don’t know for sure why. I think he is very sensitive to gas pain, and I feel so sorry for him. But I have learned the tricks of the trade, like how to hold him just so and walk around very “purposefully” as I like to say. Or at night, he responds very well to the gas drops, but so suddenly that it can’t be the ingredients…I think he just needs to be nudged out of his crying fit! But my sweet Smith is so much better than he was from 2 to 4 months when he would cry for no reason for hours at bedtime. I feel like now I know his little personality, and he knows and trusts his mommy, so he is easier to calm down.

My precious Thomas and my sweet Smith, we are so blessed that God gave you to us. I can’t wait to see how my three boys become inseparable friends, how you pretend and play together, how you share the best moments of your young lives together. I am so glad that I feel like I can protect you now, that I have some control over you feeling safe and loved. It was hard for me that you were in the NICU and I couldn’t hold you and make it all better. But we have years ahead of us for mommy to hold you and kiss you and always make everything right in your world. I love you, my babies.

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We had a fun time this Easter - Grand success dyeing Easter eggs, Utter failure icing Easter egg cookies (and believe me, the baking, rolling, cookie-cutting was a much longer and messier project than just boiling the eggs - oh well).  Thomas enjoyed watching egg dyeing while Smith slept.  Smith later enjoyed chewing on Lake’s Easter duckie.  I’m sure that stealing of Lake’s toys will begin to happen more and more. (Two side notes here:  Lake likes to engage the boys in conversation now, if you consider saying “No, no, no, no”  conversation.  I can’t figure out what he’s telling them not to do, though.  Second note:  Smith sat up today for over 3 minutes reaching for the colorful plastic eggs that Lake was playing with!)

Easter Sunday was a special day for our family because it was the first day that we all were at church together.  I felt proud of all my men at Keystone!  It was also special because I had been away from church for so long, and to worship again on Easter Sunday was such a thrill.  God gave the ultimate gift by sacrificing his boy on the cross.  Wow, that hits home so much because of how protective I am of my boys right now.

We had a great day of celebration at Keystone Church. 1665 in attendance, 21 baptisms and 51 new Christ followers.

So my wonderful husband outdid himself with probably the most thoughtful birthday present a new mom-of-three could ask for. He took Monday off of work, arranged for Rocky (who usually nannies on the days I work from home) to watch the kids, and whisked me away for a carefree day just to be together. It was definitely a “blast from the past” day, the way Rob and I used to hang out together, dreaming and talking. My sweet hubby really needs a day off for his own relaxation, but he took his first day off in ages and gave it to me. Oh, and just to hit the point home that my hubby is amazing, it just occurred to me today that Rob has definitely changed more diapers in his life than all of the men in his family tree combined.
Ok, so on to our day. First, we stopped for donuts for breakfast (I got to have a sprinkle-on-white frosting one). Rob had researched places to hike around Fort Worth. He was afraid of the weather and the legitimacy of this “trail” but we went for it anyway. And we were not disappointed. There were actually “trees” to hike through around Grapevine Lake, and we just walked and talked like old times. We discussed from how I would get all the boys out of the house in case of a fire, to dreaming where we might go for our 10 year wedding anniversary. After the hike, we changed clothes (in the very disgusting bathrooms) and went to Brio in Southlake Town Center for lunch. So yummy, sharing food and still talking. We finished our lunch just in time to catch a movie (Rob sent me in to catch the very beginning while he got us a drink - just one small example of how he pampered me the whole day…”this is your day” he kept saying. And classic Rob and Kimi movie-going. We are late to every movie we see!)
The biggest surprise came after the movie, when Rob revealed he had been putting money aside for awhile and had saved up quite a stash to send me on a shopping spree! And then he was very sweet to not pressure me to spend it all when I broke into a cold sweat about spending that much money on clothes - and all of you who know me well are all nodding your heads. Anyway, I did get to bring home two shirts from Anthropology and I’ll look stylish when I start to emerge from the doctor-induced quarantining of the twins. But it didn’t stop there…when we got home Rob cleaned out my car!!! Let me tell you, when you have 3 kids and someone is usually crying and there is so much to bring in from the car, something usually gets left in the car and it had become a trashcan. And Rob gladly ate frozen pizza for dinner so that I didn’t have to lift a hand all day long. So thanks, Love, for a birthday to remember. You are the best!

And to the Keystone staff, yes, we kissed in Brio and we even kissed in the Donut shop! HA!

This was our first Valentine’s Day with a toddler to impress.  We kept saying “Today is Valentine’s Day.  It is a special day to say ‘I love you.’”  I don’t know if Lake got it or not, but we had fun.  Yes, Lake is wearing a necklace, but we prefer to think of this as party beads, like Mardi Gras.  Lake also got to go on a sticker hunt around the house and he promptly placed all the stickers on his pjs.  And yes, Thomas and Smith are in matching outfits, but I’m a little more lax about my “coordinating but not matching” rule since they look so different.  However, Thomas is losing his hair, so he is looking a bit more like Smith to the untrained eye.  (Thomas is to Lake’s left - that is, on the right of the picture).  

In other news, Thomas weighed 12 lbs, 2 oz and Smith weighed 10 lbs, 9  oz at their Synagis weigh-in.  Thomas was the first to be “social” with his smiles and coos, and he is more likely than Smith to be found talking to himself.  Smith, on the other hand, holds his head up so well, he likes to stand up on your legs, and I’d think he was ready for a “Bumbo” seat except that he is still so tiny.

Love to you all on Valentine’s Day.

$3470. That is how much each synagis injection costs. (Synagis is the drug that helps mitigate the effects of RSV).  And our boys each get one shot a month through May. I have already shared with some of you how thankful I am for insurance and that I was VERY glad to only be expecting to pay my percentage and let BCBS pick up the rest. Well, it turns out God is taking care of us in such tangible ways…I talked to insurance today to clear up the zero balance “explanation of benefits” I got in the mail. They said that when an injection is “filed as part of an office visit” then it falls under the copay for that visit. The COPAY. So I am paying $20 for the office visit copay and zero for the injection. Hmm, my brain doesn’t work very fast with sleep deprivation, but I can quickly calculate that 2 kids x 5 visits between Jan and May means 10 shots that I thought I was going to have to pay my percentage for. We’re talking about thousands of dollars in savings here people. Thank you, Father, for providing for us.

In the days following my initial admission to the hospital, I wanted to blog about my experiences, and now regret that I never got around to it.   Then, after Thomas and Smith were born, I drafted this blog in my head hundreds of times, because I was overwhelmed with how God had provided for us.  As I went back and forth to the hospital, I told everyone I met, whether I thought they would listen or not, how faithful God was being to our family.  When you are physically and emotionally exhausted, and you are leaning on God in every sense of the word lean, then you have nothing else to talk about except how present God feels.  Hopefully, this blog will help me always remember how close God is, and hopefully will give God all the glory for our two little miracles.  So, here is the entry that I had intended to write just after the boys were born…  

In the hospital on Wednesday, October 15, 2008, I had been having about 6 contractions an hour since 1pm when I finally asked the nurses to come hook up the contraction monitor.  Six contractions in an hour was technically acceptable for an antepartum mom, but something just wasn’t right.  It was 6pm (yes, I know, the nurses’ shift change), and my journal shows the progression - “5:58, 6:04, 6:17, 6:37, 6:46, 6:54, 7:00.”  By about 9pm, family and close friends knew about the developments, Rocky and David had swooped Lake to their house after church so Rob could be with me, and at 10pm after many demand doses of tributaline, the “mag wash” was ordered. They pumped me full of magneseum and, while it didn’t appear to be working because I wasn’t as “loopy” as the first time, and my vision wasn’t blurred, I got a good report from the perinatologist at 11am the next day. All indications from the sonogram pointed to the fact that the many, many contractions I had been having that night were not affecting the cervical length. Then, they said I was at 2.5 cm dilated, which I had been all along, so I thought I was home free. However, the contractions never stopped, and were coming anywhere from every 2 minutes to every 9 minutes apart. At 7pm (after the doctor had promised she would be there at 4pm), the doctor checked again and I was 4 cm dilated. She started talking seriously about a C section. I truly couldn’t believe it, because I still wasn’t experiencing painful labor, and in my 18 days in the hospital so far, I had not had any scares. The perinatologist had said I looked like a good candidate for at least holding out to 34 weeks. As it became clear that they really were going to take the babies that night, I began praying more specifically for a miracle. And that is where the title of this post comes in…In my crying out for God’s hand to miraculously stop the contractions, I was humbled when I remembered that God had already given us one miracle 18 days earlier. The following are the events of Sunday, September 28, and the days leading up to them. I will not forget my God’s presence in my life on those days…

On Saturday, I ventured out on errands, trying to “take it easy” but get things done at the same time.  I was 28 weeks pregnant, but not huge.  I went to the Mother’s of Multiples garage sale and picked up an “all about twins” book for some light reading.  I skimmed a very few number of pages while I was eating my breakfast on Sunday morning before church (no small feat since I was getting Lake ready too).  One paragraph listed “why you should call your doctor.”  One item on the list was “if you have more than x number of contractions in an hour.” (I honestly don’t remember how many it said, and don’t want to steer any pregnant or potentially pregnant friends the wrong way).  Hmmm… I had already birthed Lake, and contractions with him were painful, but what are these Braxton Hicks things, and how do you know if you are having “real” contractions or just Braxton Hicks?  I had felt tightening of my belly some already with the twins, but I had been thinking that they were just the twins pushing out on my abdomen or something.  But throughout that day, I couldn’t shake the memory of April Colquett touching my belly the weekend before Lake was born, and saying, “Wow, you are tight…it feels like a contraction.”  I discounted that comment then, because contractions were supposed to be painful, right??  Now, I was going to have to investigate further, and ask some moms at church that day what their definition of contraction was.

Church that morning was uneventful (except that I distinctly remember Dina Popwell chiding me for carrying Lake - turns out she was right!)

Communion Gathering that night was not so uneventful.  As Brian led the amazing worship, I had to choose between singing and standing, because my pregnant body would not allow me to do both at once.  So I chose sitting, but praising God at a Communion Gathering at Keystone can never be half-hearted, so I suppose I was still expending some energy.  During the last song, I began to feel this “tightening” and by the forth one (in one song mind you) I began to think things a bit strange.  As we were dismissed and I went to get Lake from the nursery, I had my fifth “tightening” and I told Bethany about it and I said, “I’m scared.”  I sat down to wait for Rob to be available to discuss this with him, and in the meantime sought out the most oft-pregnant lady I know, (who else?) Sandy Walker.  Sandy began urging me to make important moves…drink water, call my doctor’s answering service, lie down.  By this time, I am keeping up with the times of the contractions on my cell phone’s “notepad,” and I still have that “note.”  7:23, 7:27, 7:33, 7:38, 7:42.  Bethany and Dave whisked Lake away to their house, and Rob made the decision to take me to the hospital, even though we hadn’t heard back from the nurse yet.  So up to this point in the story, God has already

#1: used certain events to make me more in tune with these contractions, and

#2: used a Sunday night so that we would go directly to the hospital instead of waiting it out and counting more contractions, (which is what the nurse said to do before she found out we were already on the way to the hospital).

At the hospital, they confirmed true “contractions” with the monitor, and promptly gave me a shot of tributaline.  The shot flatlined my contractions.  Rob and I thought we would be going home shortly.  But about 5 minutes later, the contractions started again, and a second round of tributaline did not stop them.  They checked my cervix and you never want to hear a doctor say “Oh no.”  She said I was dilated to a 2 or 2.5 (mind you, when my water broke with Lake and I went into labor 5 weeks early, I was barely a one when I got to the hospital).  I think she even said she could feel Baby A’s head (Thomas did not have a name at this point).  They told me I would be admitted and gave me steroids in case the babies were going to be born (to develop their lungs).

The next hours are a bit fuzzy to me.  I just remember a lot of phone calls home to Mom and Dad and Mom P and Dad P and trying to be brave for them.  The being brave part was not that hard because I really was feeling like we’d be going home in a day or two.  Rob prayed over me and the boys and paced a lot in true “Rob-style.”  They dosed me up on magneseum since the tributaline wasn’t working, but my contractions continued.  Rob and I would just stare at the contraction monitor and you wouldn’t believe how many times I said, “Is that another one?”  Finally the night nurse was trying to make me be realistic and she said, “I really feel like you are having babies tonight.”  At 3am they had given me as much magneseum as they safely could, and even had to go down on the amount in the IV dose because my blood draws were showing I was too dosed up.  And the contractions continued.  Finally they gave me morphine hoping I would relax enough to sleep, and they said, “That is all we can do.  Medically, there is nothing more to do.”  So on September 29 at 3am in the morning, we were hours away from having twin boys at 28 weeks gestation.  They got ready for us in the NICU and made my boys’ charts.  But we got on the phone to update those already praying on the prayer chain, and Rob got on his knees next to my bed and we cried out to God.  We cried out to God for our boys’ lives.

You know the rest of the story.  God gave us our miracle of 18 more very important days of twins in-utero.  I don’t know why God gave us our miracle.  Why do I get the happy ending this time?  Why did He answer our prayer so specifically and immediately, while for others, and at other times in our lives, He has answered in such a way that only years later could you look back and see “God work all things together for the good?”  I don’t know why, but I do know what my reaction should be to it.  That to God be all the Glory for the lives and health of our precious sons, our Thomas and our Smith.  That I don’t need to be silent about the fact that in the joy, the pain, and everything in between, God is our one constant and he gives us His peace that the world can’t understand.  And so it says on the scripture card that Karen Beaman put on my hospital door, and on which I meditated during the last hours of Thomas and Smith in my womb, and the next weeks of Thomas and Smith in the NICU.  “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

(better late than never, right?)

1.  Dec 16:  Thomas and Smith (hereafter T&S) had their 2 month checkup.  They hated their heel sticks worse than they hated their immunization shots.  Thomas even turned white and had to be stimulated to take deep breaths to return the color to his cheeks.  I’ll have to watch that little guy during medical procedures – he did the same thing at the eye doctor last week.  Their blood work shows Thomas is no longer anemic, but both T&S are still jaundiced, with the bilirubin level in T’s blood at 2.5 and S’s blood at 3.4.  If it doesn’t get to zero by 3 months, they will have to get a liver sonogram like Lake did at 3 months.  T is 7lbs 9oz and S is 6lbs 9oz.

2.  Dec 19:  Took the twins to get an RSV shot.  It is not an immunization, but a shot of antibodies that would lessen the effects of RSV if they contracted it.  Not a prevention, but better than nothing!

3.  Dec 22:  Thomas Cardiologist appointment.  Praise God – I could not stop smiling when the cardiologist said that Thomas’ VSD was undetectable, that is CLOSED!  The PFO is a “pinhole”, which is a “normal finding in a newborn.”  The PDA is a very tiny connection between the aorta and pulmonary artery, but no treatment is needed.  We will go back in 6 months just to make sure all is still well with Thomas’ heart.  Until then, I am ecstatic that the doctor says the words “Thomas, slow down because of your heart” will not be needed in our household!

4.  Dec 30:  T&S follow-up head ultrasound.  It was a beating trying to get the orders faxed to the right place, but we finally got all the parties on the same page and the ultrasound happened in 2008 after all!  The results show that Thomas’ brain bleed/cyst/hemorrhage is not detectible.  Yippee, good news again for Thomas!  Smith’s bleed has not changed, which means it is not bigger and so it is still not threatening to make any problems in his brain.  So it is not worse, but not better, which is good enough for us at this time.  We go back again for another head sono for Smith in 6 weeks. 

5.  Dec 31:  T&S follow-up bilirubin heel prick.  Both hated it, but no “fainting spells” this time.  We will get the results on Monday.   We did get the boys weighed, and Smith is 8 pounds and Thomas is a whopping 9 pounds!  That means in 15 days (see #1 above) that they both have gained 23 ounces.  One and a half ounces per day.  Good job sweet boys!  With their adjusted ages, that means that Smith is in the 60^th percentile and Thomas is in the 85^th percentile.  Adjusted means that they are only 2 weeks old, and against other 2 weekers, they are 60 and 85 percentile.  However, against other 2 ½ monthers, they are in the 5^th and lower percentile.  (That last stat is an unscientific view of a chart in the book “What to expect the first year”). 

Ok, maybe that has caught me up with the blog world.  Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year are in order too, I suppose.  Thank you all for praying for the boys and their development.  They both go to Baylor’s Children’s House on Jan 6 for a visit with various developmental therapists.  I don’t really know what to expect, but I might finally have to consider for the first time just how far behind they are.  But maybe they aren’t so far behind…I have been noticing Thomas “tracking” and making social interaction with Rob.  So we will see.  Ok, feeding time, Smith is waking up.